210+ Memorable Buford T Justice Quotes from Smokey and the Bandit

Buford T. Justice is one of the most iconic characters from the Smokey and the Bandit franchise. Known for his sharp tongue, southern wit, and determination, his quotes have become legendary. Whether you’re a fan of his humor or his relentless pursuit of the Bandit, Buford T. Justice’s lines are unforgettable. 

In this blog post, we’ve gathered his most memorable quotes. Let’s dive into the wit and wisdom of this hilarious and determined sheriff.

Buford’s Funniest Lines 🤣

• “What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.”
• “There is no way, no way, that you could come from my loins.”
• “I’m gonna barbecue your behind in molasses!”
• “The first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is punch your mama in the mouth.”
• “Do what I say, you pile of monkey nuts!”
• “Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker.”
• “I’m gonna nail that cigar-smoking son of a gun if it’s the last thing I do!”
• “I’m in pursuit of a black Trans Am. It’s a high-speed pursuit!”
• “What the hell is the world coming to?”
• “My hat blew off, daddy. I hope your head was in it.”
• “I’m gonna go home and kick your mama in the butt.”
• “If you ever embarrass me like that again, I’ll get an axe and chop your tires!”
• “That’s an attention-getter.”
• “I’m gonna bash your brains out with my nightstick!”
• “You can think about that when you’re lying in bed tonight with that fat girl of yours.”
• “I’m gonna be the laughingstock of the entire country!”
• “I got the evidence: beer in the trunk and a big mouth behind the wheel.”
• “That’s the last time you’re gonna insult me.”
• “Give me five minutes, I’ll stomp his head in.”
• “You’ll be in more trouble than a pregnant nun!”

Sheriff Justice’s Best Insults 😡

• “You scum-sucking road whore!”
• “I’m gonna kick your butt so hard, your nose will bleed.”
• “You couldn’t close an umbrella!”
• “You couldn’t organize a two-car funeral.”
• “You look like you’ve been drug through a knothole backwards.”
• “I’ll slap you so hard, your grandkids will feel it.”
• “You are a real trailer trash idiot, aren’t you?”
• “When I get home, I’m gonna punch your mama right in the mouth.”
• “I ought to run you over with my squad car.”
• “Boy, you’re about as sharp as a bowling ball.”
• “I wouldn’t hire you to work in a sewer!”
• “You don’t got enough sense to pour piss out of a boot.”
• “You couldn’t catch a cold in a blizzard.”
• “You’re foolish than a sack of hammers.”
• “That’s just what we need, a mental dwarfism!”
• “If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.”
• “Why don’t you just get back in your squad car and drive off a cliff?”
• “If I had a dog that foolish, I’d shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.”
• “You’re a walking, talking disaster.”
• “I’ve seen roadkill with more sense than you!”

Buford’s Angriest Moments 😠

• “I’m in high-speed pursuit! I’m gonna cut him off at the pass!”
• “That boy is gonna pay! I’m gonna put the hurt on him.”
• “I’ll catch that Bandit if it’s the last thing I do.”
• “I’ve had just about all I can take of this monkey business!”
• “He’s making a fool out of me. Nobody makes a fool out of Buford T. Justice!”
• “There’s no way that piece of tin is gonna outrun me.”
• “I’m gonna rip his heart out and feed it to him.”
• “Son, you’re headed for a world of hurt.”
• “I’m gonna kick your butt so hard, you’ll be wearing it as a hat.”
• “I’m gonna hunt you down like a dog.”
• “You can run, but you can’t hide, Bandit.”
• “I’ve been chasing him from Texarkana to here, and I’m not gonna stop.”
• “My car’s wrecked, my patience is thin, and my temper is on fire.”
• “I’ll catch him if I have to drag him out of that car myself.”
• “This chase has gone far enough, Bandit.”
• “If you think you’ve won, think again. I’ll bring you in!”
• “You think you’re smart, Bandit? I’ll show you smart.”
• “I’m gonna beat the ever-lovin’ snot out of him.”
• “You mess with Buford T. Justice, you’re gonna pay.”
• “When I get my hands on him, it’s all over.”

Sheriff Justice’s Most Determined Pursuits 🚔

• “I’m gonna catch that Bandit if it’s the last thing I do.”
• “Nobody escapes the long arm of Buford T. Justice.”
• “I’m gonna keep chasing him till the wheels fall off.”
• “He’s quick, but I’m quicker!”
• “You can’t outrun justice, boy!”
• “I’m closing in on him. Just a matter of time now.”
• “He can run, but he can’t hide.”
• “Every second I get closer to that cigar-smoking maniac.”
• “I’m gonna catch him, no matter what it takes.”
• “There’s no road long enough to lose me.”
• “I don’t care how fast he is, I’ll outsmart him.”
• “You’re gonna be in a world of hurt when I get to you.”
• “The Bandit’s got nowhere left to go.”
• “I’m gonna box him in, and then it’s all over.”
• “He may have a head start, but I’ve got determination.”
• “This chase won’t end till I say it ends.”
• “You can run for now, but you’ll see me in your rearview soon.”
• “I’m the law, and the law doesn’t give up.”
• “The harder you run, the sweeter the victory.”
• “The day I stop chasing you is the day I stop breathing.”

Buford’s Sarcastic Comebacks 😏

• “Oh, you’re a genius, aren’t you?”
• “Well, aren’t you just the king of common sense?”
• “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
• “Yeah, that’s right, you go ahead and keep thinking. You’re on a roll.”
• “I see we’re working with top notch brains here.”
• “Oh sure, let’s ignore all logic and reason.”
• “Bravo! Another brilliant plan bites the dust.”
• “Oh great, another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.”
• “Well, ain’t that just peachy.”
• “Sure, why don’t we just ask a brick for directions.”
• “And yet, somehow, I’m supposed to be the one in charge here.”
• “You’re about as sharp as a marshmallow.”
• “Oh, go ahead, make my day. You’re on fire!”
• “Sure, why don’t you just keep digging. Maybe you’ll hit rock bottom.”
• “I love how you make the worst ideas sound so smart.”
• “Oh, absolutely. That’s just the kind of thinking we need right now.”
• “Well, congratulations! You’ve hit a new low.”
• “Yeah, that’s exactly what I needed right now. More of your brilliance.”
• “Fantastic. You’re making me question the value of common sense.”
• “Oh, I’m sure that plan’s gonna work just perfectly.”

Buford’s Frustrated Outbursts 😤

• “I’m surrounded by idiots!”
• “How can one man cause so much trouble?”
• “Get out of my way, you walking disaster!”
• “I swear, if one more thing goes wrong…”
• “Everything I touch turns into a mess!”
• “I’m two seconds away from losing it!”
• “What in the name of all that’s holy is going on here?”
• “I’m gonna blow a gasket!”
• “Why is this happening to me?”
• “It’s like the universe is conspiring against me.”
• “One more mistake, and I’m done!”
• “If you don’t shut up, I’m gonna scream.”
• “I’ve had enough of this nonsense.”
• “I can’t take it anymore!”
• “This day just keeps getting worse.”
• “Why do I even bother?”
• “It’s like I’m surrounded by a bunch of toddlers!”
• “I swear, it’s one thing after another.”
• “I’m gonna snap if this keeps up.”
• “If you can’t do your job, I’ll do it for you!”

 Buford’s Best One-Liners 💬

• “I’m the law, and the law is never wrong.”
• “I’m gonna haul your butt to jail, Bandit!”
• “I’ll slap the taste right out of your mouth.”
• “There ain’t no place you can run where I won’t find you.”
• “You mess with the bull, you get the horns.”
• “The only thing standing between me and you is my car.”
• “You’re gonna wish you never got in my way.”
• “When I get a hold of you, it’s all over.”
• “You think you’re slick, but I’m slicker.”
• “You can’t run from the law, boy.”
• “The only thing faster than you is my fist.”
• “I don’t need backup to take you down.”
• “You’re not just breaking the law—you’re breaking my patience.”
• “You’re about to feel the full weight of justice.”
• “I don’t make the rules; I enforce them.”
• “I’ve chased smarter men than you, and I’ve caught them all.”
• “One way or another, I always get my man.”
• “I’ve got you in my sights, and I don’t miss.”
• “The Bandit’s days are numbered.”
• “You can’t outrun what’s coming for you.”

Buford’s Classic Southern Sayings 🏞️

• “I’m gonna knock you into next week!”
• “You’re about as sharp as a butter knife.”
• “That boy’s got more nerve than a sore tooth.”
• “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!”
• “You’re barking up the wrong tree, boy.”
• “That dog won’t hunt.”
• “He’s slicker than owl grease.”
• “I’m madder than a wet hen.”
• “You’re about as useless as a screen door on a submarine.”
• “If it was raining soup, you’d have a fork.”
• “He’s as stubborn as a mule.”
• “I’m hotter than a two-dollar pistol.”
• “You’re as lost as last year’s Easter egg.”
• “That boy’s got a ten-gallon hat and a five-gallon brain.”
• “You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.”
• “I’m wound up tighter than a watch spring.”
• “He’s like a coon dog on a hot trail.”
• “I’m as serious as a heart attack.”
• “You’re about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.”
• “That’s slicker than a greased pig.”

Buford’s Unforgettable Threats 😠

• “When I catch you, I’m gonna rip your lungs out!”
• “I’m gonna tear you apart limb by limb.”
• “You better start praying, ’cause you’re gonna need a miracle.”
• “I’m gonna knock your head clean off your shoulders.”
• “I’ll hang you out to dry and beat the dust out of you.”
• “You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’!”
• “When I’m done with you, you’ll wish you never met me.”
• “I’m gonna grind you into the ground.”
• “You’ll be begging for mercy when I get a hold of you.”
• “You’ve just signed your own death warrant.”
• “You’ll be eating your meals through a straw when I’m done.”
• “I’ll make you wish you were never born.”
• “When I catch you, I’ll make you regret every choice you’ve made.”
• “I’ll be on you like a hound on a hare.”
• “I’m gonna chase you till your wheels fall off.”
• “I’ll wring your neck, boy.”
• “You’ll be lucky if you can still walk when I’m done.”
• “You just ran out of time, son.”
• “I’m gonna grind you into dust.”
• “You’ve got nowhere left to run, and when I find you, it’s over.”

Buford’s Toughest Lawman Quotes 👮

• “I don’t give up, and I don’t give in.”
• “There’s no escaping the law.”
• “I’ve been a sheriff for 30 years, and I’ve never lost a chase.”
• “The badge doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t enforce it.”
• “You’re looking at one of the toughest lawmen in the South.”
• “I’ve got the law behind me, and that’s all I need.”
• “There’s only one law out here: mine.”
• “I’m not just chasing you—I’m hunting you.”
• “You don’t mess with a Texas lawman and get away with it.”
• “I’ve faced worse than you and come out on top.”
• “This is my jurisdiction, and you’re in deep trouble.”
• “The law always wins in the end.”
• “You’re in my crosshairs, and I don’t miss.”
• “The long arm of the law is about to smack you upside the head.”
• “You’re dealing with a sheriff who never backs down.”
• “This ain’t my first rodeo, and you’re about to find out why.”
• “I’ll enforce the law with my own two hands if I have to.”
• “You’ve tangled with the wrong sheriff, boy.”
• “The law doesn’t forget, and neither do I.”
• “You’ll never outlast Buford T. Justice.”