210+ Laugh Out with Hilarious Funny Confucius Quotes

Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher, was known for his profound wisdom on life, society, and human nature. However, modern humorists have taken his name and added a comedic twist to his legacy, creating funny and thought-provoking quotes that make us laugh while pondering life’s quirks.

This collection of hilarious Confucius quotes will not only tickle your funny bone but also leave you reflecting on everyday situations in a lighter way. Prepare to laugh out loud and enjoy some wise yet funny moments!

Confucius Say: Wise Man Knows When to Laugh!😂 

• “Confucius say: Man who stands on the toilet is high on pot.”
• “Confucius say: Man who walks through the airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.”
• “Confucius say: He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
• “Confucius say: Man who runs behind the car gets exhausted.”
• “Confucius say: Men who sit on tack get points.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats too many prunes will get a good run for his money.”
• “Confucius say: Men who fight with their wives all day get no peace at night.”
• “Confucius say: Man who plays in traffic is bound to have an accident.”
• “Confucius say: Man who jumps off a cliff jumps to conclusion.”
• “Confucius say: Man who pushes the piano down the street will get flat.”
• “Confucius say: War doesn’t determine who’s right, only who’s left.”
• “Confucius say: Man who cuts himself while shaving loses face.”
• “Confucius say: Man who throws dirt is losing ground.”
• “Confucius say: Man who lives in a glass house should change clothes in the basement.”
• “Confucius say: Man who stands on the chair at the dinner table will raise the stakes.”
• “Confucius say: Man who leaps over a chair, must be in a rush.”
• “Confucius say: Man who goes to bed with an itchy back wakes up with sticky fingers.”
• “Confucius say: Man who wears both suspenders and a belt is a belt-and-suspenders man.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sits on a hot stove gets fired up.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tells jokes about bread will always get a rise.”**

Confucius Say: Funny is the New Wise!😄 

• “Confucius say: Man who sleeps like a log will wake up in the fireplace.”
• “Confucius say: Man who drives like lightning crashes like thunder.”
• “Confucius say: Man who fishes in another man’s well often catches crabs.”
• “Confucius say: Man who flies upside down has crack-up.”
• “Confucius say: Man who drops watch in the toilet is going to have a crappy time.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.”
• “Confucius say: Man who stands in the middle of the road gets run over from both sides.”
• “Confucius say: Man who argues with wife loses sleep.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats too many beans gets a gas-powered ride.”
• “Confucius say: Man who lays down with fleas gets up with itchy results.”
• “Confucius say: Man who has no job must find work or become bored of doing nothing.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sits on a cactus sits in a prickly situation.”
• “Confucius say: Man who throws rock in water will make big splash but small ripples.”
• “Confucius say: Man who chases two rabbits catches none.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes a mountain out of molehill must have a mole-sized brain.”
• “Confucius say: Man who steps on the rake makes the point clear.”
• “Confucius say: Man who leaves a book out in the rain gets a paperback.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats soup with a fork goes hungry.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats clocks is going to have a hard time digesting time.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sticks neck out finds it stuck in the sand.”**

Confucius Say: Laugh More, Stress Less!🤣 

• “Confucius say: Man who waits for opportunity waits too long.”
• “Confucius say: Man who forgets an anniversary should sleep with one eye open.”
• “Confucius say: Man who blows own horn gets a tired mouth.”
• “Confucius say: Man who takes a bath in glue gets stuck in his ways.”
• “Confucius say: Man who runs in front of the car is tired, but the man who runs behind the car is exhausted.”
• “Confucius say: Man who pushes piano uphill deserves big applause.”
• “Confucius say: Man who stumbles over rock stumbles over life’s lessons.”
• “Confucius say: Man who swims with sharks finds himself in deep water.”
• “Confucius say: Man who walks in a circle walks in own footprints.”
• “Confucius say: Man who wears small shoes gets big blisters.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at himself has lifelong amusement.”
• “Confucius say: Man who listens to wife avoids argument.”
• “Confucius say: Man who plays with fire might not get burned, but definitely gets heated.”
• “Confucius say: Man who drinks while driving puts safety in reverse.”
• “Confucius say: Man who smiles while in trouble has learned to outsmart life.”
• “Confucius say: Man who overthinks burns own brain.”
• “Confucius say: Man who cheats on cards ends up with no deal.”
• “Confucius say: Man who marries for money pays a high price.”
• “Confucius say: Man who bites off more than he can chew has a full plate.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sits in judgment should first stand in another’s shoes.”**

Confucius Say: Funny Wisdom for Every Situation!😆 

• “Confucius say: Man who talks in sleep has no secrets.”
• “Confucius say: Man who steals from one author is plagiarist; man who steals from many is researcher.”
• “Confucius say: Man who fears the unknown needs to learn more.”
• “Confucius say: Man who buys and sells at auction never gets a good deal.”
• “Confucius say: Man who plays musical chairs is always up for a challenge.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats while walking gets crumbs in shoes.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes a mistake twice must be given another chance.”
• “Confucius say: Man who leaves doors open invites flies.”
• “Confucius say: Man who forgets password has no access to memories.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses too many cliches gets no originality.”
• “Confucius say: Man who jumps to conclusions often lands flat.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses the internet for everything soon knows nothing.”
• “Confucius say: Man who wears sunglasses at night is blinded by his own ego.”
• “Confucius say: Man who gets caught in the rain without an umbrella learns the value of preparation.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes mountains out of molehills should invest in hiking boots.”
• “Confucius say: Man who avoids work avoids success.”
• “Confucius say: Man who has nothing to lose usually has everything to gain.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses too many adjectives needs to simplify his language.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can’t remember past mistakes is doomed to repeat them.”
• “Confucius say: Man who gets caught up in the details loses sight of the big picture.”**

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Confucius Say: Chuckles and Cheers for Everyone!😜 

• “Confucius say: Man who spends too much time thinking about the past is stuck in traffic.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sings in the shower gets a clean voice.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes more noise than progress needs to learn the quiet art of achievement.”
• “Confucius say: Man who thinks he knows everything is in need of a reality check.”
• “Confucius say: Man who plays the fool is likely to attract more attention.”
• “Confucius say: Man who thinks money can buy happiness is paying too much.”
• “Confucius say: Man who does not practice what he preaches is just a loudspeaker.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at his own jokes is his own best audience.”
• “Confucius say: Man who avoids work is good at hiding, but not at living.”
• “Confucius say: Man who complains about bad luck usually forgets his own mistakes.”
• “Confucius say: Man who holds grudges is like a garden full of weeds.”
• “Confucius say: Man who forgets his umbrella gets a lesson in nature’s unpredictability.”
• “Confucius say: Man who blames others is avoiding personal responsibility.”
• “Confucius say: Man who judges others harshly often judges himself more so.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is easily distracted needs a focus adjustment.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can’t change his mind should be careful about his decisions.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can’t take a joke might be the joke.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is afraid of new ideas is stuck in old ways.”
• “Confucius say: Man who spends time on trivial matters misses the significant moments.”
• “Confucius say: Man who takes life too seriously missed the fun.”**

Confucius Say: Humor is the Best Medicine!😁 

• “Confucius say: Man who has a sense of humor is never short of friends.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes light of serious matters is often the brightest in the room.”
• “Confucius say: Man who has patience has the best humor.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at himself is always entertained.”
• “Confucius say: Man who looks for humor in everyday life finds joy everywhere.”
• “Confucius say: Man who smiles in adversity is truly powerful.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can joke about his flaws is comfortable in his own skin.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses humor to defuse tension is a master of peace.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds comedy in chaos keeps his sanity.”
• “Confucius say: Man who jokes about his troubles finds them less troubling.”
• “Confucius say: Man who does not laugh at life’s absurdities misses out on half of its enjoyment.”
• “Confucius say: Man who appreciates a good laugh is richer than one with gold.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes others laugh is always welcomed.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at small things avoids big problems.”
• “Confucius say: Man who takes things lightly is often the most resilient.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses humor to solve problems finds solutions faster.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is funny without effort is truly gifted.”
• “Confucius say: Man who doesn’t take himself too seriously makes the best leader.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes everyone laugh is the happiest man in the room.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds humor in adversity is the wisest of all.”**

Confucius Say: The Witty Way to Wisdom!🤪 

• “Confucius say: Man who eats too fast chokes on opportunities.”
• “Confucius say: Man who asks too many questions gets lots of answers, and headaches.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tells tall tales ends up being the tallest of all.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tries to impress others often impresses himself the most.”
• “Confucius say: Man who speaks in riddles is often the most enigmatic.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses big words to sound smart usually ends up sounding silly.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at his own jokes has no need for an audience.”
• “Confucius say: Man who has everything planned out ends up missing the fun.”
• “Confucius say: Man who wears sunglasses indoors is in the dark about social norms.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can’t take a joke needs a sense of humor adjustment.”
• “Confucius say: Man who takes shortcuts gets lost in the long run.”
• “Confucius say: Man who runs from problems is always out of breath.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tries to outshine everyone ends up burning out.”
• “Confucius say: Man who doesn’t laugh at himself is missing the best part of the show.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is always serious misses the punchline of life.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes excuses never finds solutions.”
• “Confucius say: Man who hides his laughter hides his happiness.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is easily offended finds trouble in every corner.”
• “Confucius say: Man who avoids challenges ends up with the same old routine.”
• “Confucius say: Man who doesn’t enjoy life’s absurdities is missing the best part.”**

Confucius Say: Reflective Laughs and Insights!🤔 

• “Confucius say: Man who questions the obvious finds hidden truths.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at life’s ironies understands it better.”
• “Confucius say: Man who observes carefully finds humor in the mundane.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is patient with others finds himself more relaxed.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sees humor in his mistakes learns from them faster.”
• “Confucius say: Man who ponders life’s quirks finds answers in laughter.”
• “Confucius say: Man who appreciates a good joke also appreciates good company.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds comedy in chaos finds peace in disorder.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can laugh at his fears faces them bravely.”
• “Confucius say: Man who looks for humor in every situation sees life’s beauty.”
• “Confucius say: Man who reflects on his own flaws finds them easier to handle.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds joy in small things finds happiness in abundance.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can laugh at life’s challenges faced them with confidence.”
• “Confucius say: Man who shares a laugh with others builds stronger bonds.”
• “Confucius say: Man who sees the funny side of adversity remains hopeful.”
• “Confucius say: Man who enjoys life’s little ironies finds life’s big joys.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses humor as a tool for reflection gains deeper insights.”
• “Confucius say: Man who takes life’s absurdities lightly learns to handle stress better.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs while learning finds education enjoyable.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses humor to cope with problems finds solutions more easily.”**

Confucius Say: Smile, It’s a Way of Life!🤗 

• “Confucius say: Man who smiles in the mirror gets a smile back.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds joy in simple things finds life fulfilling.”
• “Confucius say: Man who spreads happiness finds it returned tenfold.”
• “Confucius say: Man who maintains a cheerful outlook attracts positive energy.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs often is never alone.”
• “Confucius say: Man who enjoys a good laugh is never far from friends.”
• “Confucius say: Man who keeps a positive attitude turns obstacles into opportunities.”
• “Confucius say: Man who smiles in adversity shows true strength.”
• “Confucius say: Man who makes others smile finds himself smiling more.”
• “Confucius say: Man who embraces humor in tough times finds resilience.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs with heart finds joy in every day.”
• “Confucius say: Man who shares his smile with others receives it back.”
• “Confucius say: Man who seeks laughter in life finds endless reasons to be happy.”
• “Confucius say: Man who uses humor to connect with others builds lasting friendships.”
• “Confucius say: Man who smiles often has a lighter load.”
• “Confucius say: Man who enjoys humor is always in good company.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds humor in life’s challenges keeps his spirits high.”
• “Confucius say: Man who smiles through trials shows true courage.”
• “Confucius say: Man who laughs easily is content with life.”
• “Confucius say: Man who finds joy in others’ laughter finds his own joy.”**

Confucius Say: The Funniest Life Lessons Ever!🤯 

• “Confucius say: Man who laughs at his own mistakes has learned from them.”
• “Confucius say: Man who trips over his own feet should walk more carefully.”
• “Confucius say: Man who has too many plans ends up planning more than doing.”
• “Confucius say: Man who jokes about his problems finds they’re not as big.”
• “Confucius say: Man who talks too much needs a quieter hobby.”
• “Confucius say: Man who keeps secrets in his hat finds it gets heavy.”
• “Confucius say: Man who eats with mouth open often receives unwanted advice.”
• “Confucius say: Man who waits for the perfect moment may never start.”
• “Confucius say: Man who dances in the rain needs no umbrella.”
• “Confucius say: Man who reads labels carefully avoids surprises.”
• “Confucius say: Man who watches too much TV gets out of touch with reality.”
• “Confucius say: Man who believes everything he hears ends up confused.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tells funny stories needs a good memory.”
• “Confucius say: Man who answers too quickly usually regrets it later.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is always right ends up being alone.”
• “Confucius say: Man who looks for trouble finds it easily.”
• “Confucius say: Man who is too serious misses out on most fun.”
• “Confucius say: Man who doesn’t enjoy the journey misses the destination.”
• “Confucius say: Man who tries too hard to impress ends up unimpressive.”
• “Confucius say: Man who can’t take a joke is taking life too seriously.”**