290+ Hilarious Kevin the Office Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

When it comes to The Office, Kevin Malone is one of the most unforgettable characters. His quirky humor, hilarious one-liners, and unfiltered personality have left fans laughing for years. From his love for food to his unique way of saying things, Kevin’s quotes are pure gold. 

In this blog post, we’ve compiled the Kevin’s funniest moments that are sure to make you laugh out loud. Let’s dive into the world of Kevin Malone with these iconic quotes!

Kevin’s Funniest Food Moments🥳 

• “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
• “I ate a whole family-sized chicken pot pie.”
• “There’s no cookie. Crunch! That’s the cookie.”
• “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I would not do that thing.”
• “I keep snacks in my drawer, because, you know, sometimes you get hungry.”
• “I would go to prison for a cookie.”
• “If I had to choose between a cookie and prison, I would choose the cookie.”
• “I’m guessing Angela‘s gonna try to get us to eat some baby food. I will not participate in that.”
• “The pigs in blankets thing is… quite important to me.”
• “I save my food, okay? For later.”
• “The trick to a taco is to fold it!”
• “I’ve eaten my feelings before. Not proud of it, but here we are.”
• “I don’t think the food belongs in the garbage.”
• “I didn’t want to work. I wanted to eat.”
• “Can’t I just get lunch?”
• “If someone offers you free food, you don’t say no!”
• “I’m always hungry. What’s the big deal?”
• “I can’t wait for the next meal.”
• “There’s nothing better than snacks at the office.”
• “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of this pizza.”

Kevin’s Awkward Conversations🤣 

• “I’m like a black widow, I just don’t feel anything after I kill.”
• “At least I didn’t leave my child in a bar.”
• “I don’t like getting advice from Stanley. It makes me feel uncomfortable.”
• “I have very little patience for stupidity.”
• “I can’t believe you called me a loser.”
• “I’m not as ignorant as people think I am!”
• “I just wanted to help. But I made things worse.”
• “Why do people keep thinking I’m foolish?”
• “Sometimes I say something and people laugh, and I don’t know why.”
• “I’m not great at giving advice.”
• “Why do you always assume I’m doing something wrong?”
• “The worst part about prison? The Dementors.”
• “I am not ignorant. I have street smarts.”
• “People underestimate me, and that’s a good thing.”
• “Why say many words when few words do the trick?”
• “I don’t get why people think I’m awkward.”
• “If you want a friend, you should just be one.”
• “I’m sensitive, okay? I cry easily.”
• “I thought we were all friends here.”
• “Am I really the only one who gets confused?”

Kevin’s Iconic Office Quotes🤯 

• “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”
• “I don’t care about weddings. I just want to go for the cake.”
• “I hear everything. Even things I’m not supposed to.”
• “I don’t make mistakes. I make decisions.”
• “If you were to look up ‘worst employee’, you wouldn’t find me. But you’d find a picture of me sleeping.”
• “I am the master of whispering.”
• “People love me. Why wouldn’t they?“
• “I always say the wrong thing, and people laugh.”
• “I am one with the universe. Also, I need to go to the bathroom.”
• “I can’t keep a secret, so please don’t tell me one.”
• “I don’t understand why you think I wouldn’t get it.”
• “I am capable of great things.”
• “I might not be the best, but I try.”
• “Sometimes I pretend I don’t know what’s going on.”
• “Why do people always think I’m asleep?”
• “I am very efficient at napping.”
• “I’m not lazy. I’m just resting my eyes.”
• “I live for casual Fridays.”
• “I may not be smart, but I’m charming.”
• “I’m not the hero they want, but I’m the hero they get.”

Kevin’s Best One-Liners😎 

• “I’m gonna die of a heart attack. I just know it.”
• “I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
• “I hate being responsible for things.”
• “If I were in charge, things would be much worse.”
• “I know how to get things done.”
• “I don’t like the word ‘accountability.'”
• “Is it bad to say I don’t really care?”
• “If I don’t do it, someone else will.”
• “I’m trying to figure out how to avoid work.”
• “I think responsibility is overrated.”
• “I don’t like doing things, okay?”
• “I would rather be anywhere else.”
• “I believe in the power of doing nothing.”
• “I’m not here to work. I’m here to exist.”
• “I’m not sure why I’m here, but I’m here.”
• “Why do we have to do things all the time?”
• “I believe in a healthy balance of work and not work.”
• “I like to do as little as possible.”
• “Why be productive when you can be Kevin?”
• “I’m a man of simple needs and minimal effort.”

Kevin’s Most Relatable Moments😂 

• “I hate when people ask me to do things.”
• “I’m really good at procrastinating.”
• “You want me to do that? Good luck.”
• “I don’t understand why we can’t just relax.”
• “I’m too tired for this.”
• “There’s always too much work to do.”
• “Is it just me, or is everything exhausting?”
• “I don’t understand why we have to work.”
• “I just want to take a nap. Is that so wrong?”
• “I could literally sleep anywhere.”
• “I think coffee is overrated.”
• “I’m always running late.”
• “I feel like I’m always one step behind.”
• “I need to sit down for a while.”
• “I can’t keep up with all these expectations.”
• “I don’t know how I will make it through the day.”
• “I’m just here for the snacks.”
• “Why are Mondays so awful?”
• “I can’t be the only one who hates meetings.”
• “I think I’m too old for this.”

Kevin’s Hilarious Thoughts on Work😆 

• “I’m just here so I don’t get fired.”
• “I can’t believe people take this job seriously.”
• “Why do we even have jobs?”
• “I don’t get why we can’t just have fun.”
• “Do we really need all these rules?”
• “I think work is overrated.”
• “Why can’t we just do nothing?”
• “I don’t understand why we have to be here.”
• “If I didn’t need the money, I wouldn’t be here.”
• “I’m not sure why anyone would choose to work.”
• “I think quitting sounds like a good idea.”
• “I don’t see the point of all this effort.”
• “I wish I could just stay home.”
• “I’m not built for this kind of thing.”
• “Can’t we just take a break already?”
• “I’m ready to go home after 10 minutes.”
• “I think I need a vacation.”
• “I’m not cut out for this.”
• “I need a nap.”
• “I’ll do the bare minimum, and that’s enough.”

Kevin’s Clumsy Yet Lovable Moments🤭 

• “I spilled the chili again, didn’t I?”
• “I don’t want to be that guy who makes mistakes, but here we are.”
• “I brought in some of my famous chili… It’s probably the thing I do best.”
• “I just dropped my food. It’s fine. I’ll still eat it.”
• “I wasn’t supposed to let the dog out, was I?”
• “Oops! Was that important?”
• “I didn’t know it was against the rules. Nobody told me.”
• “I thought the coffee maker was supposed to make the coffee, not explode.”
• “Oh no, I was supposed to keep that secret.”
• “Did I do something wrong again?”
• “I didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently it was.”
• “I just knocked over the whole stack of papers.”
• “I meant to do that. No, really.”
• “I just don’t understand how things always go wrong.”
• “Is it my fault? Probably.”
• “I didn’t mean to drop that. It just slipped.”
• “How was I supposed to know that wasn’t the right door?”
• “I tried my best, but my best is pretty bad.”
• “I was just standing here, and then the printer broke.”
• “I’m not clumsy. I just have bad luck!”

Kevin’s Thoughts on Parties and Fun🎉 

• “If there’s a party, I’m there.”
• “I love a good party, especially when there’s free food.”
• “I don’t care what we’re celebrating, as long as there’s cake.”
• “I’m not a big fan of dancing, but I’ll do it for cake.”
• “Can we please have more parties at work? It’s the only thing I enjoy.”
• “I’m just here for the snacks, to be honest.”
• “I don’t need an excuse to eat cake.”
• “I think every day should be a party.”
• “The best part about birthdays is the cake.”
• “Who needs a reason to celebrate? Just bring the cake!”
• “I love parties, especially if I don’t have to plan them.”
• “I don’t know whose party this is, but I’m glad I’m here.”
• “Is there a party? I’ll bring the chips.”
• “If I’m not invited to the party, I’ll just crash it.”
• “Let’s have more parties and less work.”
• “I think we should celebrate everything. Even Mondays.”
• “What’s the point of a party if there’s no food?”
• “I’ll party all night, as long as there’s pizza.”
• “You don’t need a reason to have a good time.”
• “I don’t care about the reason. I’m here for the cake.”

Kevin’s Struggles with Technology😅 

• “I don’t understand how this computer works.”
• “How do you turn this thing off?”
• “Is it broken, or am I just using it wrong?”
• “I pressed a button, and now everything’s gone.”
• “Technology hates me, I swear.”
• “I was just trying to print, and now the printer’s on fire.”
• “Why does the internet stop working whenever I need it?”
• “I don’t get how people can work so fast on these things.”
• “I wish we could go back to paper.”
• “Why does my screen look like that? Did I break it?”
• “I clicked the thing, and now I can’t find the other thing.”
• “Why does everything I touch turn into a disaster?”
• “I’ve been trying to send an email for an hour.”
• “If it doesn’t work after 10 tries, I’m giving up.”
• “I’m just gonna ask someone else to fix it.”
• “Why is everything so complicated these days?”
• “Can’t we just use pencils and paper again?”
• “I don’t need all these gadgets.”
• “I think I’m allergic to technology.”
• “The computer won’t listen to me. I’m just gonna walk away.”

Kevin’s Views on Relationships😂 

• “I don’t really understand relationships, but I like them.”
• “Dating is hard. That’s why I just focus on snacks.”
• “I think relationships are overrated.”
• “I’m pretty sure I’m a great boyfriend, though.”
• “I can’t handle rejection. That’s why I don’t try.”
• “If someone loves me, they should also love my snacking habits.”
• “I’d rather be alone with a pizza.”
• “I believe in love, but I also believe in food.”
• “Why do relationships have to be so complicated?”
• “I’m not good at giving relationship advice. But I can offer you some chips.”
• “If my love life was as good as my food life, I’d be golden.”
• “I tried to impress her with my chili, but it didn’t go well.”
• “I just want someone who loves snacks as much as I do.”
• “If you can’t handle me at my hungriest, you don’t deserve me at my fullest.”
• “I thought we were dating, but apparently, we were just eating together.”
• “Why can’t relationships be as easy as ordering pizza?”
• “I’m just here for the food, not the drama.”
• “I’m not sure why I’m single, but it might have something to do with my snack obsession.”
• “Love is great, but have you ever had a really good sandwich?”
• “I’m not looking for love; I’m looking for the perfect burger.”